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Gabrielle55 Profile
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Registered: 11-2013
Posts: 340
Karma: 2 (+2/-0)
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Some days are hard


For no reason whatsoever some days are harder than others... And the questions start :
Was it always a lie
How could he change so much
How could I be so stupid
How could I have risked everyone's happiness
Does he ever think if me
Did he mean any of it

I know I'll never have any answers to the questions related to him. And that drives me nuts!!!
The questions about me can all be answered by low self esteem leading me to stupid selfish actions. Even thinking about him while I'm with my family is all about myself and my ego. Selfish.
I need to work on me. To feel beautiful and special. I wish these days would finally stop
G
9/25/2016, 6:38 am Link to this post Email Gabrielle55   PM Gabrielle55 Blog
 
RatherBeMe Profile
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Registered: 01-2013
Posts: 636
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Re: Some days are hard


I don't have any answers as to when it will be better.
I know that it takes good old fashioned hard work. Remember you have been emotionally hurt. Damaged is a mild word. You have come as close to permanent mental damage to yourself as you can, without going off the really deep end. If it wasn't so, you would have walked away without a care. Now it's time to heal. What is it going to take to heal? Time is one thing. Attention to the wound is another. You have to be aware, and prepared to take care of that bump until IT happens. It being indifference. Caution. It may never happen. Life is a journey, you've heard that a million times. Well.......it is. You now get a choice in how you are going to make that journey. You can choose the hard way and put temptation, and yourself in harm’s way, or you can do the sensible thing and take the high road and spare yourself the problems that come with it. NC is just one such thing. It is the 100%, guaranteed way of ending it, and healing. Anything less puts you in danger. See? If you have to do LC, then prepare yourself for whatever can go wrong. Prepare, prepare, prepare!!! I know that it is tough when your mind wonders back to the good stuff, the ego stroking, but remind yourself exactly what it was. You KNOW what it was. It was a fantasy. It wasn't true. Take it from there. It is all on you in the end. Your strength will carry you through this journey. Your life and true happiness depends on it. The good folks here are great at support and the more you participate the better you will be. I can tell you from experience, it may never be over. I fight the battle every day.


---
We only miss what could have been.
I know I don't miss what really was.
9/25/2016, 7:27 pm Link to this post Email RatherBeMe   PM RatherBeMe Blog
 
FixingHelen Profile
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Registered: 01-2014
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Re: Some days are hard


Hi Gabrielle! For what it's worth, I actually see tremendous progress just based on your questions you were asking yourself.
Back when you were still in the thick of it, it was more along the lines of why doesn't he want me. And what did I do. Blaming yourself for the affair ending. What you are asking yourself now shows some real growth and I'm proud of you and happy for you with that. You've come a long way, keep it up. Some days are hard, but they trend easier with time.
9/25/2016, 7:37 pm Link to this post Email FixingHelen   PM FixingHelen Blog
 
Gabrielle55 Profile
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Registered: 11-2013
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Re: Some days are hard


Thankyou rbm and Helen
That means an awful lot to me!!! I think I'm making small progress but it's Sooooooo small!!
G
9/26/2016, 2:44 am Link to this post Email Gabrielle55   PM Gabrielle55 Blog
 
Justkim2007 Profile
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Registered: 10-2008
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Re: Some days are hard


Small progress is still progress, Gabby.

It counts.

xo

Kim
9/27/2016, 1:27 pm Link to this post Email Justkim2007   PM Justkim2007
 


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