Runboard.com
Слава Україні!
SAMPLE BANNER

runboard.com       Sign up (learn about it) | Sign in (lost password?)

 
Birdsong55 Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info

Registered user

Registered: 02-2013
Posts: 151
Karma: 4 (+4/-0)
Reply | Quote
Deja vu all over again.


I'm telling you guys about this because I can't tell anyone else and it's appalling me, and I need to talk about it, and I know you'll understand.

So, Tgiving Day, I have a small houseful of people over for the meal, including my best friend and her boyfriend (who have been together for a couple of years now). I like him fine but what I care more about is that my bestie is happy. Which she is.

Anyway, I'm alone in the kitchen stirring the gravy when he comes in, comes up behind me, and puts his arms around me. Serious. I must've frozen like a popsicle. Did not know what to do. Laughed it off and sort of moved away a little and continued to stir. Thought it was weird but, hey, we were all a little wined up and, you know.

Yesterday I got a Messenger text from him (we had not messaged each other before). My bestie is on the other coast visiting her adult daughters. He reminds me how his grandfather used to have horses and he would love to see mine. Asks when I'm out at the barn. I thought it was a bit odd (only because of what happened at Tgiving--lots of people come to see my horse--he's a character and loves the attention). I told him I'm out there every day ('cause I clean my own stall, etc.), but on Thursday mornings I feed and turn out, so I'm always there at the same time, early, and I ride afterwards. And sure, it's fine if he wants to see the horses (this is a big place, lots of horses and generally lots of people around).

He writes me back and says he'll be there Thursday. And "are we sharing this with [my friend] or your family or is this just between us? This is your decision."

Oh, fer pete's sake.

So I wrote back and said, Sure, tell her, and, you know, my husband usually comes with me on Thursday to help out (which is true). And blah blah.

But wow, my Spidey senses were bristling. And you know what? The most reminiscent thing is "This is your decision."

Because, people, that was how it always was with xAP. Even though he was also married with kids, I knew I had so much more to lose than he did. (I was one of those eejits who still loved their spouse even though they were doing their best to screw up their marriage.) It always felt like I was the one taking the risk (and truly, I was!). Don't know if this is common or what, but it felt like deja vu.

Now, I can't un-know this about this guy, and I don't want to tell my bestie about it either, because she would be horrified. (She knows about my past indiscretions. This even makes me wonder whether she told her BF and if that's why he thinks I would be open to something untoward.)

Anyway. WTF, people? Am I just paranoid? Am I reading things into this because of my past experience? I am 60 years old and I have learned a lot about the self-destructive crap I and every other human is capable of. The only beings I want to be in love with these days are my husband, my kids, and my horse.

I could be flattered, but I'm not. And I can't tell my hubby about this either because it will make everything even more uncomfortable. (Like, we don't need a fistfight in the hayloft.)

Thank God the weather is predicting a snowstorm Thursday morning. I figure he won't show anyway.

Tra la la and happy new year,

The Birdsong Who Finally Wised Up
12/27/2016, 1:55 pm Link to this post Email Birdsong55   PM Birdsong55 Blog
 
Ananemus Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info

Registered user

Registered: 03-2014
Posts: 63
Karma: 3 (+5/-2)
Reply | Quote
Re: Deja vu all over again.


Are you a magnet or what? Jokes aside, this is not a good situation to be in. Would you like your bestie to be in a relationship with someone who is sooner or later going to find another cake? Next time when he meets you, give him a cold stare with no smiles. Make it obvious that he is not welcome in your presence. He won't try to pull the "Your decision" again.

I am not certain whether it is good to let your bestie know about all the gory details. But, you could tell her that you were uncomfortable with him putting your arms around you. She probably knows enough about his roving arms. She will be watchful in the future. You can use that opportunity to spill the beans on him if she opens up more about his uncalled-for fantasies.

Happy Coming 2017! Go and watch LaLa Land in the meanwhile.
12/27/2016, 3:19 pm Link to this post PM Ananemus
 
Birdsong55 Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info

Registered user

Registered: 02-2013
Posts: 151
Karma: 4 (+4/-0)
Reply | Quote
Re: Deja vu all over again.


You think? I figured letting him know my husband was going to be present and that he should let my friend know that he came out to the barn would suffice. I am hoping that I made it clear that I was never and am not thinking in That Direction.

I am hoping he just won't show.

My husband does know about the kitchen incident, 'cause I told him later that night.

I guess I was going to manage this by pretending I didn't get his hints. If he ever drops another one I can be more straightforward.

I do feel like I was a wuss for not hitting the ceiling on Tgiving, but, I mean, I was in the middle of trying to serve dinner and I thought maybe I was just overreacting. (Also, I was so startled that I just didn't know what to do.)

I just feel really weird about it, and worried for my bestie. And when I got that text this morning it seemed clear to me that he thought we were talking about something other than seeing me ride. Yes?

Bird
12/27/2016, 6:42 pm Link to this post Email Birdsong55   PM Birdsong55 Blog
 
RatherBeMe Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info

Moderator

Registered: 01-2013
Posts: 636
Karma: 17 (+19/-2)
Reply | Quote
Re: Deja vu all over again.


You betcha!!!

He knew exactly, just as you did, or you do now.

I will add just a friendly reminder: You are betraying your husband, and your BF by anything more than doing the RIGHT THING. I'm not saying the right thing is telling them what has happened, but not letting it go any farther than it already has.

Stopping this right now.

You are in control of this whole situation, and he will not make the next step, unless you invite him to. Thats where the RIGHT THING comes back into play. It is your job not to fool around here, leading him on, or betraying those that you love. Stop him dead in his tracks the very next time he makes any kind of move. There is no innocence left in this.

You've been down this road before, do you want to go down it again?

This is very ego massaging, but in the end it will tell who you really are.

Stop it now. You won't offend anyone by stopping it right now.

---
We only miss what could have been.
I know I don't miss what really was.
12/27/2016, 7:42 pm Link to this post Email RatherBeMe   PM RatherBeMe Blog
 
Birdsong55 Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info

Registered user

Registered: 02-2013
Posts: 151
Karma: 4 (+4/-0)
Reply | Quote
Re: Deja vu all over again.


Oh, absolutely, RBM. I am not that person anymore.

Bird
12/27/2016, 8:00 pm Link to this post Email Birdsong55   PM Birdsong55 Blog
 
Birdsong55 Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info

Registered user

Registered: 02-2013
Posts: 151
Karma: 4 (+4/-0)
Reply | Quote
Re: Deja vu all over again.


P.S. Thanks, RBM and Ananemus. Love you.
12/27/2016, 8:00 pm Link to this post Email Birdsong55   PM Birdsong55 Blog
 


Add a reply





You are not logged in (login)