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Bk27426 Profile
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Registered: 02-2013
Posts: 101
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Re: I've decided to end it


Molly,
Boy, have I been there. If you've read anything about me on here you know I've tried to end what seems like a thousand times, only to cave, contacting him after awhile for the very same reasons as you, and then some! Please understand that what you are feeling and thinking is SO normal. Of course it's hard to let go! But you need to hold onto the why's of leaving and NOT indulge in the lies, the fantasy, the hope that we hold onto.
What finally worked for me was logical thinking, trying to live each moment in the present, my reality. Rather than dwell on what I wanted to see happen, I began to only look at what was, and after awhile I didn't like him or respect him anymore. I also didn't like myself very much. We were both behaving badly. Counseling also was a major factor in the end. It can be so beneficial to talk to someone.
Ask yourself, what are you really holding onto? What do you expect to happen? Are you willing to give up all that you have to go and be with him?
If you answered no, then hold the course and try to stick to NC. Work on you, you're worth more than what you are putting yourself through! You deserve peace, not drama and anxiety!
Good luck!
5/11/2017, 8:45 pm Link to this post Email Bk27426   PM Bk27426 Blog
 
Finally7816 Profile
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Registered: 05-2017
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Re: I've decided to end it


Thank you RBM, BK and Molly for the welcome. emoticon

I have to say it is nice to be part of the ended survivors group. Maybe that is a bit of the reason I felt like I could appear now. Maybe I felt like I was finally done. I knew without a doubt I no longer want to go back. And I felt a little like I had something to offer having made it back to being myself again. Or at least being able to see myself in the distance. emoticon

Holly, I know how very hard it is to not contact. To need to get that "fix". The need to feel connected. And like so many others I ended it 100 times only to go back when he returned professing his undying love. And that THIS was finally the time we'd be together. It wasn't real. It never was. And honestly...I really didn't want the mess being together would have made.

I really would like you to focus on his lack of contact and consider this....a man who is truly in love with you will move heaven and earth to get to you. Wife, kids, nothing would stand in his way. If I were a betting woman, I would guess he doesn't contact you because it allows him to maintain his guilt free conscience. "I am not pursuing her. She is pursing me. I am not at fault here." He is making you own everything. And there in lies your power. You, my friend, control everything in this situation. Take that control. Take that control and walk, leaving him behind. You deserve a real relationship that is a two way street, like RBM said. Not something you have to do all the work for. No more contact! He doesn't deserve it and you deserve way more!

I will send positive thoughts your way for strength to take control and leave this behind.
5/11/2017, 11:20 pm Link to this post Email Finally7816   PM Finally7816 Blog
 


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