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tanna Profile
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Registered: 10-2014
Posts: 104
Karma: 1 (+1/-0)
my story


My story started 4 years ago. I turned 35 and all hell broke loose. It started innocent enough. I wanted to know if I "still had it" and I could attract men. It started online, chatting with men that weren't even in the same state as me. No threat I thought.
Well then I started chatting with someone in the same state as me, even the same town during work hours. I met him for lunch one day and my fantasy world started. I learned that I could escape my real world. I wouldn't have to address my marital issues in fantasy land. These people "understood me". That one meeting didn't turn into a physical affair but we were definitely having an emotional affair for a long time. That one meeting lead to many more meetings with many other people. I was greedy, I wanted more. The thrill of the hunt was a high for me. It wasnt about sex for me. I just wanted that boyfriend feeling again. I wanted the flirting, the pursuing. I had a couple of short term affairs, but the last one lasted 2 years on and off. We ended it 6 months ago, June 2014. We exchanged I love you's. They weren't real. I know this now. We had to end because his career took him to far for us to keep seeing eachother during the day. He was getting a divorce. Not for me, just because it was time. He never asked me to leave my marriage. In the end I asked him what he really wants. He never could answer that. Now I know it wasn't me he wanted. I was his jumping off period to give him the strength to go thru with his divorce.
3 weeks after we ended it, D-day came. My husband had a feeling something was up and found out everything. He even pretended to be a potential affair when he found me on a site I was using. It was so deceitful and scary what he did to me. (not saying I wasn't deceitful in the least!) But it was bad. Very bad. We considered divorce. I contacted the X and told him that hes not alone, I may be going thru a divorce too. I did not ask to get back together. I just wanted him to know that. His response was nasty and all about him. Very hurtful. Fast forward to today, my husband and I are committed to working on our issues, we have our ups and downs but we are still together. We are both in therapy separately. I am not engaging in the lifestyle anymore. The urges are still there but I must fight them.
1/13/2015, 11:06 am Link to this post Email tanna   PM tanna Blog
 




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