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Justkim2007 Profile
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Registered: 10-2008
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Guess what time it is?


That's right - it's roll call/check in time.

(I can hear the cheers already - not.)

But please to indulge me, since we have a lot of new faces here, and it's always nice to say hello. Right? RIGHT?

So tell me these things:

1. Where you are in the ending process. Are you at minutes/days/weeks/years?

2. What you are struggling with the most today, right now - and part (b) - what do you need from us? (Friendly ears, gentle support, kick in the ass, information/tips, etc.)

3. How did you find us?

OH - and guess what? (You know what.) I'm keeping track of view counts (because that's how I roll) and I would really love it if a lot (like, a LOT) of you would chime in here so I don't end up talking with myself.

Even if you're the quiet type, and don't post much, or if you haven't posted yet but have been reading, or even if you aren't "officially" ended but you're trying to - wherever you are in the process, I would like to know.

Love as always from Kim - the curious one

(PS - this means YOU. Don't make me start sending out private messages because I will hunt you down if I have to. WITH LOVE, of course.)
7/2/2015, 12:22 pm Link to this post Email Justkim2007   PM Justkim2007
 
Justkim2007 Profile
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Re: Guess what time it is?


And because historically I ask the questions but forget to provide the answers - here are mine (heh).

1. This August will make 8 years since d-day after an on and off span of 13ish year affair. (Holy crap - 8 years?)

2. Today I'm struggling with some ominous mid-life crisis rumblings. I'm pretty sure it's just a combination of recently turning 49 (OMG) and my mom dying and that I'm just feeling my mortality - and I'm not worried about going off the rails. It's just, well, there I guess.

3. You know how I found us.

emoticon

Kim
7/2/2015, 12:38 pm Link to this post Email Justkim2007   PM Justkim2007
 
tanna Profile
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Re: Guess what time it is?


HI Justkim! Im here! Dont hunt me down! lol!
I am now a year out of my affair and lifestyle and feel great about it.
I struggle when Im bored and when I have triggers. My triggers are my husbands chronic pain and his complaints and the fact that I can not do anything about it. He has to help himself.
I come here for support and friendship and people that "get it".
An internet search brought me here and Im so glad it did.
7/2/2015, 12:48 pm Link to this post Email tanna   PM tanna Blog
 
Justkim2007 Profile
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Re: Guess what time it is?


Thank you, Tanna.

emoticon

<taps foot impatiently...>

Kim
7/2/2015, 2:40 pm Link to this post Email Justkim2007   PM Justkim2007
 
Clairbear Profile
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Re: Guess what time it is?


Roll call again. Nothing changes for me, but the time out emoticon

1. It's been 12 years now.

2. I don't struggle with much of anything these days. Nothing comes my way that I can't handle, even though it's not always smooth sailing. I have better coping skills now.

As far as why am I here? I was going to say my purpose here is to help guide others out with wisdom that comes with age and from being on the boards for all these years, but it turns out that I have gained valuable wisdom and insight in regards to my relationships... with others and myself.

3. Kim and I met on the boards many many years ago. Now that we are free to speak of it because ivillage and it's spies are dead, once we saw the writing on the wall in regards to the demise of ivillage, we came up with a Plan B. We are the Founding Sisters of this board...and I'm proud of that accomplishment; and I can't think of a better person with whom to scheme and plan emoticon And Kim was the braver of us two, pulled the trigger and brought it to fruition. Because we were both still CLs, we had to be extremely crafting on how to get people here. And everyone had to be secretive about how they got here. What IS it about secrets that makes it all the more fun and exciting...lol

Clairbear

---
"Your mind is a garden, your thoughts are the seeds. You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds."
7/2/2015, 3:18 pm Link to this post Email Clairbear   PM Clairbear Blog
 
Soglad Profile
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Re: Guess what time it is?


I hear ya Kim, it's been a while since I have checked in but that roll call hollering from across the pond from you and Clairbear was getting annoying so here I am.

Gosh, it's hard for me to even remember my affair now, I was trying to think how long ago it was, I think I ended it in March 2012, which means that it would have started in May 2010.

I am doing good, marriage is great, kids are growing up, going through the perimenopause at the moment which isn't the most fun thing in the world but not going to take any hormonal treatment and am just getting on with it.

I very rarely think of xAP, only if I am driving in the part of town where he could theoretically potentially be driving. I can't believe what an idiot I was, or for how long I continued to be an idiot, I don't know what I was thinking, I guess I wasn't really thinking very much at all, just indulging myself.

My advice for anyone out there struggling is to listen to the advice here and follow it, NC is imperative, it's the only thing that works, understand that your affair is a fantasy and an addiction, not real life, accept that you are using xAP to try and fill a void in your life, and he is using you for the same reason, end it, put it behind you, move forward, work on making yourself a better person, focus on real life and the future.

Great to check in and see you are still going strong and still helping people.

You are lovely x

---
Happiness is not ready made, it comes from our own actions .... Dalai Lama
7/3/2015, 4:43 am Link to this post Email Soglad   PM Soglad Blog
 
Justkim2007 Profile
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Re: Guess what time it is?


Hey soglad! I'm so happy you checked in!

emoticon

You sound so good - that makes me smile. And your advice is awesome, thank you for sharing.

I feel you on the perimenopause stuff. Happy hot flashes to you, my dear! (HA!)

I'm grateful you stopped by, it's lovely to see you.

Big hugs -

Kim
7/3/2015, 5:32 pm Link to this post Email Justkim2007   PM Justkim2007
 
Clairbear Profile
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Re: Guess what time it is?


And you, see, Kim why she came. We ANNOYED HER!

Maybe that's the ticket. As long as we are annoying, people will think "I just have to end this affair so I can get away from this totally annoying and gruesome twosome."

Good to see you, Soglad! Your lesson for today, don't wait so long to come by...unless you LIKE TO BE annoyed emoticon

((hugs))
Clairbear

---
"Your mind is a garden, your thoughts are the seeds. You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds."
7/3/2015, 8:41 pm Link to this post Email Clairbear   PM Clairbear Blog
 
FixingHelen Profile
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Re: Guess what time it is?


Checking in :-)

I'm about a year and a half out, realized today it was about a year ago I made the decision to pull the trigger and fully block him-phone, email, facebook... And that is when my healing came in giant steps. My marriage continues to grow stronger now that we are both checked in and actively working at it, and things are generally good.

My struggle these days is mostly in adapting to a new job, but it's worth it. I struggle a lot less with things these days, as the therapy I sought out post-A helped me take better control of my life all around. The board still gives me that gentle nudge and reminder to stay the right course, to trust my gut, and not give into the easy way out.

I was secreted here on the underground board to board Internet highway!
7/4/2015, 12:34 pm Link to this post Email FixingHelen   PM FixingHelen Blog
 
Soglad Profile
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Re: Guess what time it is?


Thanks Kim and Clairbear for the warm hello:-) You two lovely ladies, and the fabulous RBM are amazing people, creating this place when iVillage went into melt down. You have helped countless people when they have been at absolute rock bottom, you all helped me more that I can say. I don't know what I would have done without you. I ended my affair so many times over the 18 months or so I was having it, I don't even know how many times I ended it. It wasn't until I got your help that I actually properly really ended it, and it was the old NC, block and walk advice that did it, giving yourself space, the chance to re-engage your brain in the real world, see your affair for what it really was, get a grip of yourself and start living an authentic, decent life again.

You do so much good, and everyone else who participates, much love to you all xxx

---
Happiness is not ready made, it comes from our own actions .... Dalai Lama
7/5/2015, 3:03 am Link to this post Email Soglad   PM Soglad Blog
 


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